


Nutritional Facts

by fluffyquill



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry is an awkward potato, Gen, Mother Hen Caitlin Snow, Pre-Relationship, all this talk of food is making me hungry, at least for now, though you could argue Len is also a Mother Hen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 20:16:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13372278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffyquill/pseuds/fluffyquill
Summary: Barry sucks at calorie-counting.  Thankfully, Snart is good with numbers.





	Nutritional Facts

**Author's Note:**

> Pre-relationship ColdFlash, and set before the events in "Like It Was Yesterday."

Cisco frowned.

 

“I don’t get it. Those Barry Bars should be plenty.”

 

Barry’s stomach growled, even as he shoved the last of his pizza in his mouth.

 

“Ah dunno buh ahm stahl hungry,” he mumbled.

 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Cisco reprimanded, pointing at his friend with a breadstick. “But man, I remember being able to eat an entire pizza by myself.” He sighed. “Extra large supreme with garlic crust and extra jalapenos. Ah, to be a teenager once more. Those were the days.”

 

“Cisco, that was his _fifth_ one,” said Caitlin, setting down her soda. She looked concerned. “The pizza shop is going to get suspicious if we keep hosting ‘company pizza parties.’”

 

“Hey, we help keep their doors open,” the engineer argued, spreading his arms wide and miming headlines, “Team Flash – supporter of small food businesses.”

 

Barry wiped the grease from his mouth with a napkin and tossed it in the trash as he spun around in his chair. “Mom and Pop places do have the best food. But she’s right, Cisco.”

 

“No worries, my man.” He patted Barry on the shoulder and trotted towards the hallway. “Let me go get my tablet in my workshop. Be back in a flash, buddy.”

 

As Cisco disappeared from sight with a grin, Caitlin turned to Barry.

 

“Are you sure you’re all right? Do you want me to run some more tests?” she asked. Barry could see she was trying to be clinical about her approach, but the worry in her brown eyes was evident.

 

“No, but thank you. I’m all right, Caitlin, really. I’m just – ”

 

_GROOOOOWWWWLLLLLLLLL_

“ – still really hungry.”

 

The doctor giggled, patting Barry’s arm. “Well, I can always order some Big Belly Burger in the meantime.”

 

He flushed pink with embarrassment as his stomach gave another plaintive mewl.

 

“Thanks Caitlin.”

 

As she wandered into the med bay to retrieve her phone, Barry poked at his traitorous middle, as if that would cease its incessant complaining.

 

“Perhaps if you ate foods with a higher nutritional value, you wouldn’t need to load up on carbs so much.”

 

The speedster yelped, falling out of his seat at the familiar voice behind him.

 

“Sna – ”

 

He grabbed onto the spinning chair, which veered hard to the side and rolled across the room. Snart – ever the cool, collected picture of confidence – stepped into the entrance of the cortex, following the runaway chair with his eyes until it came to a slow halt near the door. Bolting to his feet, Barry attempted to compose himself by leaning against the console, crossing his arms and uncrossing them again in a fumbling whirlwind before taking an awkward step towards him.

 

“Wha – how did you – what are you doing here?”

 

_What a way to instill an impression upon your enemies. Your very attractive, leather-jacket wearing enemies._

 

“Just happened to be in the neighborhood,” he replied, glancing at the empty pizza boxes. “Hosting a victory party? There’s enough here for a high school football team.”

 

“Pizza Monday.”

 

“You’ll give yourself indigestion with that much grease.”

 

“It’s not that bad.”

 

“From Mama Rosa’s?” He gestured at the box. “Scarlet, she uses butter and _bacon fat_ to cook the pan pizzas.”

 

“And it’s _delicious_.”

 

Snart made a face. “My arteries ache for you.”

 

Clacking shoes sounded from behind Barry as Caitlin emerged from the med bay.

 

“That… was a strange conversation to walk into,” she said cautiously. Turning to Barry, she added, “Burgers are – ”

 

In a flash of yellow lightning, Barry reappeared with five takeout bags.

 

“ – ready,” Caitlin finished, trying to pat her windblown hair back into place.

 

Snart snickered under his breath. “You’re going to put their delivery drivers out of business.”

 

“I stuck a twenty in the tip jar,” Barry answered, already diving in.

 

“No speed-eating,” warned Caitlin. He nodded, stuffing a few fries in his mouth. As Barry wolfed his way through his third burger, Snart remarked, “That is both fascinating and disgusting. But seriously. You’re gonna need to change your entire dietary plan, because _this_ – ” He motioned to the detritus of discarded wrappers with a swish of his hand. “ – isn’t going to sustain you for very long.”

 

“I’ve been getting enough!” Barry confirmed, “Ten thousand calories a day!”

 

Sauntering up to the computer display, Snart said, “Barry, I’m pretty sure you missed a zero there. Ten thousand is only enough to get you out of bed in the morning.”

 

The speedster barked a laugh. The nerve of this guy! “No, I think I know what my body needs.”

 

Turning, Snart took a step closer.

 

“Barry.”

 

Somehow, he managed to make his tone of voice sound concerned, with just the right shade of patronizing. A small shudder went up Barry’s spine.

 

“Trust me,” Snart purred, “You need more than 10K a day to keep the doctor away.”

 

Behind him, Caitlin made a face and Barry fought the urge to laugh. It looked something like the expression she made after downing her third shot of whiskey and regretting it immediately.

 

Trying to remain serious and suppressing a smile, Barry asked, “And what makes _you_ the sudden expert on my health?”

 

“Michael Phelps eats 12,500 calories a day. There is no way a metahuman speedster eats less than a multi-medal Olympic swimming champion.”

 

Cisco walked back into the room, scanning a tablet.

 

“I dunno, Michael Phelps would give any meta a run for his money,” he said around the lollipop in his mouth, “The man is unreal.” Looking up, he realized who had been speaking. “Seriously dude? Do you ever call to make an appointment like a normal person?”

 

Snart’s blue eyes glittered with mischief. “And miss out on the chance to test out all the upgrades to the sham you call your security? What would you do without me, Ramon?”

 

Cisco tapped at the tablet, muttering under his breath, “…ask Lisa on a date…”

 

“Did you say something?” the thief snapped.

 

“Nothing!” he squeaked. Barry laughed, and Caitlin hid an amused grin behind her soda cup.

 

Dumping the piles of discarded waste in the trash, Barry came around the console. “So, were you able to find anything?” he asked Cisco.

 

The engineer stuck the lollipop back in his mouth and nodded. “Yup! I saved all the data from your original set of tests. Just a seconnnnnnd…” He flipped through several different app screens before finding what he was looking for.

 

“Ha! See?” Cisco motioned to the data on the screen. “850 tacos’ worth, minus extra cheese and guac. Just over 130 thousand calories.”

 

Snart chuckled and Barry punched him on the arm. Both Caitlin and Cisco jumped, as if expecting the older man to suddenly brandish the cold gun and ice them all on the spot. However, he only smirked wider and flexed his shoulder.

 

“Told you,” the thief taunted, “Ten thousand a day, my ass.”

 

Barry sneered mockingly at him. “Shut up.”

 

Cisco looked to Caitlin. “What’d I miss?”

 

“Catch you on the flip side, Flash!” Snart called out, marching out the door towards the elevator. There was an almost prideful swagger to his step. Barry could only gape in a mix of disbelief and confusion at the thief’s retreating figure before turning to Cisco.

 

“Eight hundred and _fifty_? I thought you said eighty-five!”

 

 

 

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> Season 1, Ep 2:
> 
> "I've done a few calculations. You need to consume an amount equal to roughly 850 tacos. Unless we're talking cheese and guac, which is like a whole other set of equations."  
> ~ Cisco
> 
> According to Google:  
> 850 tacos = 132,000 calories
> 
>  
> 
> Back with another one, folks! Hope everyone is having a wonderful new year. Stay toasty!


End file.
